MyHouseofSorrow

I'mConfused,

I'mConfused,

I'mSeriously Confused.

IDon'tUnderstand,

IDon'tUnderstand,

IDon't Understand.

WhyDoIFeelThatICan'tTakeItAnymore??

TheVoicesStabMeLikeKnives,

TheHugsAreNowPoolsOfPoison,

AndMusicIsMyHouseofSorrow.

MyHandsAre Chained,

Stapled,

AndGlued Together.

TheyAreInABind,

A Contract,

ForEndless Pain.

In Exchange?

ALifeOfDyingSlowly.

I CanNoLonger SeeTheSun.

I Can'tEvenSmell SweetThings.

MyMouthOnly TastesSand,

AndIt'sBitterWithSalt OfMyTears.

I Can'tEvenSpeak words.

I OnlySpeak GibberGabber.

Ach!Ach! 

MyOnlyCry ForHelp.

EveryOneThoughIs FarFromMe.

MyLovedOnesTowerLike Pillars InAnEmptyMansion.

They OnlyStare,

AsI ScreamBack:

ACH! ACH!

HE-

HE-----

HELP!

No OneResponds.

EveryOneWeeps,

AstThey DecideNot ToReachMe.

ThenThey All Leave,

MyHouseofSorrow.

The Captivating Journal Entries of Beauty

Gentle river, Rippled all across it's bank. Two pair of eyes penetrate it's surface. A pale hand comes out. It wants to touch the sky. The lips want to kiss the moon. But the fingers retreat. A head of long golden white hair flows in the bank. The eyes are now blue like the sea. The fingernails are clear as colorless glass. But this creature then dips back down into the lake. It's tail flukes gently before leaving.


This happened on the first night.

She appears again. Her head pops out of the water. Her eyes only notice the moon. I don't hide as I watch her. Her head is posed in a 45 degree angle. A perfect picture of beauty.

That was the second night.

On the third, her hand was perched on her chest and her neck stretched to the moon as her voice ascended. The song was rung by the gravitational pull as the waves carried the voice to the moon. I couldn't breath as I wished to be that moon.

She then disappeared for two days after...

Once she came back, another hand was perched in hers. But was the opposite of her. It's large hand took her small hand whole. It's eyes were pale as clouds. It's hair dark as any black hole.

But it had no tail.

That day, she finally saw me. As I looked at her with a stricken heart.

She put her hand out to me.

She sang me a song.

But I couldn't reach her.

I couldn't even touch her.

As I was the one,

The lonely soul,

Standing on that moon.

Blue Dust

B

l

u

e

 

 

Dust

 

 

F

a

l

l

s

 

s

s

s

        slowly

                y

               y

             .

          .

     .

 

B

l

u

e

 

Dust

 

Makes

Dreams,

Takes Sleep,

And turn it to gold.

 

 

Gold

D

U

S

T

 

 

Sadly though,

Turns to rust.

 

Gold

D

U

S

T

 

 

Stays in the

Stars

?

 

In

space

?

 

In locks and under key

In houses of rich

?

 

However,

 

B

l

u

e

 

Dust

 

Never grows old.

                      .

                .

        .

  .

Is open to everyone.

                           .

                    .

             .

       . 

Is allowed to be kept by you~



A Camp and A Death Wish

In the cool water,

My hand is underneath,
Being washed by the salt,
And was hit with the impact of it's pain.

Now bone is in view,
The white a bit and covered in red,

But skin still there to hold strong,
Yet at same time still dragging,

And a pool of red appeared,

Like mist on a foggy bank,

And clouding your vision till its impossible.

But it still gives way,
As you squint to see the world before you.

 

My eyes make things up,

As I stare at the hand,

Being dragged by the stream.

Imagining,

A glow of scales,

Brushing,

Pushing,

Playing with my finger tips.
A flow of memories appear,
Me smiling,
And dad as well,
But soon was drowned in the red mist,
And appearing,
A shiny piece of blade danced in my hand.

 

I took a few breaths to myself,

But it was stopped as a call came,

I think it was a robin,

But turned to words, "Ericah!"

My teeth grind and eyes flared.

They were targeting the person,

The tall woman in blue and stupid putrid white.

I got up as I stroll back.

Her face was big and bloated like a gas pump,

She always pissed me off.

 

"It's against the rules of this camp."
She scolded me as she tried to show her fierceness,
"You can't do this again! Please no more!"

She kept saying that kind of stuff like its her religion or something.

I just sighed and answered, "Whatever dude."

She took my wrist,
The one not in blood,
Burning my sensitive nerves in my skin.
And removed the weapon I held.
She placed it in her far pocket,
Away from my reach.

"If you run off one more time I have no choice but to call quits for you in this camp. For good."
It echoed as it only brought both happiness and grief.
For good.
I wish it would be for good,
To get out of this world would be for good.
To be able to sleep soundly,
And never awake up will be good.
But if my parents found out,
The way I think to me is enjoyable,
They would never let me hear the end of it.
She then started to drag me,
Away from the bloody mess I made,
As I was upon the bank of a river.
It was where papa and I would fish.
But now here, its a camp site.
A worthless site it was,
An all girls seclusion.
The mad of the mad come here,
And I just happened to be special.
No,
 "Special".

We trotted to my cabin,
Two girls that were usually there were gone.
Thank God I thought.
As she was going to let me go,
She took her sleeve,
Ripping a cloth,
And tying around my wrist.
The blood stained the blue,
Like a genocide was taking place in a vast ocean,
The scales turn to a rusty red.

"Please stop doing this cutting. The only thing your doing is hurting yourself."
But if anything she hurts me more then what I do to my body.
Her authority,
The right she thinks disgusts me.
If anything I'm only doing this in sake of my father.
It's pathetic effort but its true.
She sighs as she places me in my cabin,
Opening the door to a old place,
With holes in the wood,
And vines that hang everywhere.
It felt more jungle then a simple forest.
 I just sit on my bed,
And had to be the one that was the closest to the door.
I hold my wrist,
Wishing to squeeze the bandage off.
She then leaves.
I knew though she didn't.
She was probably now going to a place close by.
To keep track.
To keep watch.

My hand is underneath,

Now bone,

But skin still there.
Always,
Always there.

 

 

Time of Traveling

I'm the air,

I'm swift and gently come to the surrounding.

I sneak in-between  people,

And disappear before they can blink.

I over hear conversations,

I whisper in the ears of my friends.

My mind travels to faraway places.

To the worlds known and unknown,

Like presents for your birthday,

Or stars that can't be located.

My mind weaves,

To and fore,

Hidden in the tall grass that shield me,

As my smile appears,

And turning the green sea,

To a dark blue ocean.

Its always changing,

Always in motion,

But still,

I get my chance,

To close my eyes,

And breathe.

The Call For Help

Can anyone help me?
Can anyone hear me?
As I walk down the walkway,
Even with my smile is full,
My insides are charred to the core.
My tears are invisible,
The salt disappears between my teeth,
As the smile still stands.

My hands that hold each other,
They dig into each other's flesh.
The need for help,
The greed of my pitiful heart for someone,
To hold and say to me,
"Everything is all right"
It's devouring my soul.

"Good-bye",
I whisper to the audience,
Who are all standing corpses.
My hands are ridden with blood,
My eyes are plucked from their sockets,
But I still see the cold hand of the Grimm Reaper.

His smile seems more real then mine,
As I take into account the gentle presence he gives me.
"I do feel dead,
Inside and out is what my life had started with".

But at the last second,
I cut Death's hand in two.
Agony rained from the sky,
As now pure tears streaked down the canvas of my face.

I didn't accept Death,
I didn't accept the audience,
As I stare into my soul who hugs me,
I denied the peace offering,
Reserving the nature to appreciate myself.

"Will life ever ease for myself and my loved ones?"

Temptation at its Finest

In my grandmother's greenhouse, I was alone. No one was here at this late hour. It should be like this.  I stood under the moonlight. The moon was high in the sky. I stared at the moon as I felt I was almost drinking it in.

Light it felt on my mouth.

And full grown that I couldn't finish it.

"You're like the moon sweetheart", my mother's voice rang in my ears, "Your light and full grown now."

I bit my tongue and shook my head to bring the pain to myself to say the truth,
"The moon is not as dark compared to myself." I whispered out loud.

The whisper doesn't hit me hard enough like I wished it would. I looked down to the dandelions. They always reminded me of my mother since they are her favorite. Next to them the dragon snappers. They always foretold of my brother; always being wild and blooming with his fun personality. Daisies came into view at the far row of flowers that gesture to me. Rows of marigolds were placed next to them. These flowers make me remember of my dad and how he wished that they can turn into money. Lastly, the small bunch of roses came into view, making my heart suddenly throb. The moonlight then shined on them a few seconds later as I stared at them, making them beautiful as the dew was highlighted under the radiance of the moon.  I brought my hand to clutch my chest, needing to look away. Soft tears then went down my face, the only rain that is permitted in the protector for these plants. Each flower lingered with memories of my past. I had to turn away get away from the sight. I knew the pain is still lingering but I brush it off with a hard flick as I start to head out.

However, I stop in my tracks. In the dark shadows, a person stands there.

Person. Oh. no wait- Of course.


"Is there anyone else you can annoy especially at this hour?"

Lightning strikes in the distance, showing the complexion that I knew by heart all ready.

Chestnut-brown hair. Blue eyes. Small mouth. Lanky body and arms that would cause comfort in the past, but I quickly eat these feelings up. Him...

Silence was his answer as he took slow steps closer to me. My heart jolts at this as I try to hold myself together, but rage was the only thing that took place instead.

"Don't step any closer you Jackass!" I blurted as I suddenly cover my lips.

Dang. My first swear word...


Anger roared, "See what you did you Jerk!"

He didn't listen nor respond to my words. He just walked closer. But, he then stopped to looked at the flowers too. I spied what he saw: red roses.


Time slowed as he just stared at the roses, while I stood staring at him; wondering how he knew I was here. I had to visit my grandmother since she was close to dying and my mother was always close to her so she had to take all of us with her. She needed the family support. Just like my dad needed her to do all the household chores when he got tried after his work. How I needed her more then her mother at this moment was now triggering at my heart. The comfort for her was demanding especially since he was here. The guy who I didn't want to see even if the world was suppose to end if I had a choice to deny him or not as a husband.

The thunder finally came as the young man took the rose and started to smell it. The silence suddenly clenched my throat. Almost trying to remember I was here, he turned his eyes at me and filled the distance that could easily be removed with the rose. His gesture was the usual romantic "Inhale the smell and it should take the pain" kind of deal but I didn't want for him to see the vulnerability he knew all too well.

I stepped back, each time being replaced with the rose. I kept walking til I bumped very sharply into the end of the greenhouse, hurting my lower back. I had to suck up for him to not notice it.

Crepes. He me into a corner.


My courage, rage, and even some pain all were gone as it was replaced by confusion as he put the rose into my hair. He knew it would hurt if he placed in my ear, which made me smile deep down. Again, I swallowed this.

He then stepped closer to me, still leaving some space between us but saw the deep pleading in his eyes, his arms twitching, his mouth quiver. His shadow lingered over me, making me now soak his deep sadness and desires.

Very heavy with wanting and loneliness.

Lightning again came. Somehow, I felt comfort from the brief exposure of light as I looked into his eyes. The royal blue was stored in my mind as he placed his hand on my chin. I didn't dare to move it.

"Sorry to hear about your grandmother." Gentle breeze came to my senses.

"It's no big deal." I said but crushed me internally.

"You sure about that? You can always tell me about it." Now leaning closer.

Stay away from me!


"Again, no big deal. I can totally handle it."

"You know you can't lie to me for you always expose the truth in your eyes."

"You can't even see my eyes."

Why is my heart racing?!


"Oh. Well it is hard to see in this lighting,"

"Oh well sucks to be you then-"

 His nose is brushing against mine as he looks deep into the green doors of myself. He gave a soft smile.

"Now that's better."

I had to stare into his. It was tempting as we were so close to just start all over again like what we were once before. Deep down, I knew that it wouldn't be that easy to do so. Since we had all ready good times and bad, re-starting would be just as hard. I clenched my hands into fists. I looked down to the ground, now seeing the moonlight on us again.

Thunder was heard again and now louder then before.

"I'm sorry. I can't..." I started and took gulps to calm my emotions down. My hands started to shake, my mouth went dry and I shut my eyes as they started to tear up. My senses became blurry and my insides became out of control.

I couldn't talk anymore.

I didn't want to talk.

Instead, he held me and stroked my hair as I acted like a child. I hugged him back and hid from the world in his shoulder. Lightning came again and the thunder roared so loudly that it was deafening to my cries. Rain then poured but this time it was outside of the barrier and also inside as well. There was a war going on inside me and outside in nature. The only peace that seemed to be in the small world was the young man who hurt me in the past but now was saving me in this time of present.

If only my courage could save me, would things have not ended like this?






My eyes shifted and started to open. In the eerie light, it was bright and up-lifting. The flowers bloomed with such bright colors. I stirred as I realized I was on the floor of the greenhouse.

No.

I'm not.

I moved my hands as I felt sprigs of grass; the thick and smooth textures as well as the droplets were mixed in my touch. Wind was brushing against my face.

"Your awake." A voice commented.

My eyes widened more as I got up too fast for myself, making myself gain a headache. Still, I looked around  with my senses on autopilot.

"Behind you." The voice directed me.

I turned and behind me, a large tree was growing with purple leaves and large orange fruit that were bedazzled with green spots were taken into view. I gazed and soon I saw a young man who seemed fimilar except something seemed different about him. His ears were pierced with a billion of who knows what that all glowed in the sun light. He wore a brown tunic that was tied with a black belt at his waist, wore baggy black pants, and a long red cloak blew in the wind. He had chestnut-brown hair but at the ends were blazing red streaks. The blue eyes were staring down at me filled with confidence. I looked at him straightforward and before I even knew it, he jumped down from the tree and landed right in-front of me. His boots made a giant sound as well as I saw him have a hilt on his back.

He raised me up and he hugged me as I grew question marks. I pushed him away in a furry as I stared at him, "Wait! You don't even know me?! How can you hug a stranger?"

He looked at me, soon gave a big laugh and smiled gently afterward, "Don't worry. You know me all too well. For now, I'm not going to say anything. Still, you must trust me if you need to survive."

"What? Trust you? As if why should I-"

He took my hand and then just started to run behind the giant tree.

"Hey, let me talk at least before you start to do random actions!"

"Sorry, but we need to get to a safer location before you can rant on like all you teenage girls do."

"Not funny."

It took a while to get behind the tree since I didn't realize that it wasn't a normal redwood that grew acres into the air (should had realized that as soon I noted the purple leaves) but eventually, we did get around and  on the back side of the tree was a large door, completely carved from the same tree bark. The door was deep red and had golden door knockers on them with leaves decorated on them. He pulled on the right knocker and the door open. Shock took place in me especially since the door was so huge and the strange boy didn't even seem that strong anyway. He then took me inside without another word.

That's when the adventure began.

To be continued...